im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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