dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
