I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently you make a good broom.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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