it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
