Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
