It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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