They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
