I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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