is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
