My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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