Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
