so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
