I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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