From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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