I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who died my cat blue again?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
