Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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