PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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