I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
