Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
