Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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