So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
