Small penises have feelings too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
