sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
