Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
