I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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