Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
