WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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