And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
