I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
