She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
