i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
