Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
