I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
