Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
