Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
