Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
