i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
