sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
