The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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