I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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