I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
