My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
