You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Pooping to opera.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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