so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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