I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
