I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
