Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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