you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
