I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
