When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
