i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
