you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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